In my youth, writing had become my way to gain entry into new worlds, celebrity circles and became a tool that took me around the world. I felt special. It was fun.
However, as a freelancer my job was filled with many highs and lows. I will never forget landing my first cover story and interview with Beyonce while working part time at a resturant to pay my bills. For a long time I believed I was on the best path to a successful life but the reality of managing bills added pressure as those dream assignments became fewer and fewer. Many people kept telling me I was living the life and to keep going. But as the years rolled by it became less lucrative and the efforts to meet the demands of the dying industry felt futile. I just wasn't happy anymore and the struggle felt overwhelming.
I was always ok with working in other fields because it was more important to me to be responsible than to have the "cool" job. However, the cool job had become a part of my identity. As the press invitations began to dwindle I noticed an interesting pattern, some relationships vanished, sworn sisterhoods evaporated and suddenly I began to feel lost. Not that I couldn't return to the cool job circle, the opportunties to freelance were still there. I knew with a little hustle and creativity, my return to the red carpet was just a phone call away. My problem was that the passion just wasn't there anymore. It all felt so silly. Who was I doing it for? Also now that the curtain had dropped and the glamour was gone, many of the people I had enjoyed selfies and sangrias with had diasppeared as well. Not only had my income from my writing career waned, so had my desire to continue in a field that left me feeling empty.
So I stopped. I changed careers and I took some time to travel. This time, I took myself around the world and gave myself time to marval and mediatate. There was so much power in that for me. I learned I didn't need anyone to give me the life I wanted, I could give it to myself. So I did. I also took time to connect with people on a more meaningful level. I made new friends, I laughed alot. I almost fell in love a few times. I found new stories to tell. I found stories that inspired, stories that energized me and slowly I began to write again. I filled my journals with poetry and prose, love notes and woes until finally I found my voice again.
Well traveled from Dorothy Redmond on Vimeo.